Life Change after TBI for Family and Friends

Life Change after TBI for Family and Friends

As a survivor of a Brain Injury, it is incredible to think of how it affected family, friends and coworkers.

The change in oneself is enough, but what happens to those who surround you pre-accident to where life now is very life changing. This is my story.
If you are a survivor or a someone who knows someone with TBI, life changes are very dramatic. 

There are many reasons for an injury from 

• Accident at home
• Car Accident
• Sports Accident
• Work related

No matter what the reason is for the change, it can have various results. Each person is very different to the response from minor change in the person, to devastating changes in life. 

Today we are talking about those who have had a major injury including loss of memory, which is one of the hardest things to overcome.

In my case my accident was in 1990, to this day I still do not remember maybe 70-80% of my past, this is my guess as I really do not remember to much to figure out what I do and don't.

The funny part is when talking to someone, memories will come out in regards to the conversation and I then have to figure out, was it a memory or was it made up to be part of what was talked about.

This is hard for the Family and Friends

When you meet after the accident the injured person and they do not remember or know you, it is a very hard place to be. After all you remember all of the persons past and they look at you with a blank look.

How you cope with this is a very personal experience. The possibility is that it is caused by trauma and after a few hours or days memories will return, or, in my case with a major head injury memory of the past is very patchy still. 

This is very hard and how you as family, etc. Really can test you and your future. 

It is incredible as looking back. Before the accident there was a good circle of work and social friends. The stress of not remembering any of them caused so much change. In some ways it is how life is.

If you keep visiting someone and they now have nothing in common, in saying that friends remember everything, you remember little or in my case nothing.

It is not surprising that after a while you will lose a lot of friends over time. They will remember you and you now have to rebuild friendships and relationships.

For family, it is difficult, after all you are family and you don't (I hope) just walk away. You are the last tie in helping long term to rebuild and relive the past. Hoping to bring back some memories and help the TBI person to rebuild their life.

It is Not Easy in Most Cases

What I do know is the family are still family and no matter what they will be there. It was difficult in my case as family lived in New Zealand and myself in Australia. Many miles apart, and yet when I visit, they are still family. There are some memories but, they are very distant at times.

If possible talk about the past and talk about things that happened. It can be hard to talk about these things, as myself I think, what have I missed out on? 30 years memory loss is a big thing and now nearing 30 years of no memory of life and now 30 years later creating new memories. 

The best thing is take days as a new day and not push the person to talk and do things they don't want as it can distant things. It is best to take things in small steps and figure out how to push the person to remember or improve. In many cases the more you push, the chances are you move the person further apart.

Depression

It is easy for the person injured to be depressed, after all they have changed, you to them have changed or not remembered, and if they have memories they will have great difficulty to do things which they can't now do due to the injury.

It is very tough to wake up and be different, if you remember the past or not. I became depressed and very lost. It is a natural thing to do. Even though I remember nothing, you see people doing things as if nothing was any different. People talked of the past as if it was yesterday. Talking of the past was difficult as it was full of questions. 

• Who are you?
• Where am I?
• How old am I?
• Why?

Yet, a couple of people from work kept in contact. They helped me rebuild my life, I didn't know who they were, and they still visited and still kept in contact and helped me to get back to work.

On saying that, I was a Diesel Mechanic working on mine sites and they started me back at work in an office. And, I had no idea what I was doing, but, it made me work and think and rebuild my life again.

When I heard I may go back to work, it was very uplifting that somehow I could learn and move forward.

Conclusion

When and if you have to go through this, it is not easy for all concerned. Now days the help from professionals etc, is far better than it was back in the 90's 

It is not easy and on saying that it is what you make of it. Some of the most serious brain injuries are extremely hard to cope with and it takes time. Even you as family, it pays to get help as well, don't think you can do it on your own.

Life changes in an instant and the best thing is to do your best, Not be overbearing and overtime find that level where you are both learning and improving in life.

I'm talking about what happened in my life in this blog. There are some more serious TBI people out there and less serious. Each person is unique in there outcome and many will change with who they have as family and friends.

Never give up, as many did on my story, as I worked very hard at writing a better story of my life and learned how to challenge my here and now. Most of it was self pushed, some was from others helping.

If the rehabilitation like it is now was available after my accident, I maybe even far better than I where I am now.

If you have any questions or comments, please do not hesitate to add them below.